Dating Violence

When you say Domestic violence, to many it conjures up images of the fighting husband and wife, but abuse has many faces, and alarmingly, is becoming a much larger issue for the younger members of our community.

So perhaps this is where the term ‘Dating violence’ has sprung from, giving a new younger, pimplier face to Domestic violence.

What’s the difference?

Why should we identify Domestic Violence and Dating Violence separately?

At the end of the day they are the same thing and the key distinguishing feature is age.

This is important though, Dating violence needs to be highlighted to heighten awareness that this is a common occurrence among youth. Our early relationships are very important and can significantly affect the relationships that we have with others for the rest of our lives.

The Stats

In a study into interpersonal violence the instances of hospital admissions for violent incidents was far greater in the 15-29 year old age group than any other.

In addition to this a study published by the Australian Bureau of Statistics showed that younger women were more at risk of being a victim of domestic violence than older women, with a whopping 38% of 18-24 year olds surveyed reporting having experienced an incidence of violence.

This truly backs up the case that Dating Violence is a massive issue for young people.

And against all these astoundingly high rates of abuse it should be remembered that many remain silent and either do not identify themselves as having been in an abusive relationship, or are too ashamed or scared to speak up.

So What Is Abuse?

Abuse rears it's ugly head in many forms, just because s/he hasn't bruised you, doesn't mean it hasn't left its mark!

Physical Abuse

Hitting, punching, slapping, hair pulling, throwing things, burning, biting and other kinds of direct physical contact.

Setting you up to get hurt is another type of physical abuse, like deliberately placing things in your way so you will get hurt etc, and breaking or throwing your things is a type of physical abuse too.

Verbal and Emotional Abuse

Calling you names and saying things to make you feel bad about yourself, Turning your words around to make things your fault, guilt trips, Jealousy and criticism of your friends and family.

Threats can be another really scary kind of emotional abuse too...'if you don't do what I say I'll hurt you, those you care about... or myself'.

Sexual Abuse

Inappropriate or unwanted sexual activity, this could be kissing, touching or any other form of sexual activity that is unwelcome.

Controlling Behaviours

Constantly checking up on you, not letting you see your family and friends, study, work, maybe even telling you what you can wear, controlling what you eat and drink, forcing you to do things you don’t want to do, and invading your privacy, going through your phone/emails/things.

Victims may experience some or all of these things, but usually not all of the time, this can be seen in the cycle of abuse.

Check it out at:

Violence is the gift that keeps on giving......

Research suggests that many abusers have experienced some form of abuse themselves in the past.

And likewise those that have experienced abusive relationships are more likely to find themselves in a similar situation again than those who have not. This is then past down through the children of these relationships who witness abuse and are often abused themselves.

left unaddressed the original abuse may generate numerous more people who may either find them selves as a perpetrator or victim of further abuse.

Abuse has such a massive impact on the victim that there are so many possible side effects.

There are obvious health effects of physical abuse but emotional and psychological abuse can be just as damaging.

A study by the Australian Institute of Criminology found that people victimised by interpersonal violence had an increased risk of mental illness. They found that one in four people admitted to hospital for interpersonal violence, also had an admission for mental health issues during the time of the study.

If all this isn't bad enough....

The Australian Bureau of statistics show that 60% of all family homicides in Australia are between partners and spouses....

so reality check.....

Domestic Violence can and does lead to death!

The Myths

He Liked it...

She was asking for it...

It's my fault... I provoked him...

I should have known better...

If he didn't want it he would have left by now...

NO-ONE asks to be abused, and staying in an abusive relationship does not mean that person is inviting the abuse in! Abuse is an incredibly complex thing and although from the outside looking in we may cast judgement and say he or she should leave the situation... It just isn't that simple!

.....So.... I Know This Girl.....

If you or someone you know are in an abusive relationship... what do you do?

Tell someone you trust about what is happening. This gives you both support and a chance to hear it aloud, sometimes things just don't seem real until you say it.

If someone is considering ending an abusive relationship a safety plan can be really important! These situations can be dangerous so don't put yourself in a situation of unnecessary risk.

Ask the hard questions.

How do I get out of this safely?

Where am I likely to run into problems?

What sort of support am I going to need?

Don't be afraid to ask for help!

Talk to your local police and see what help they can give you. You may need to consider a restraining order, or if you were living together you may need assistance to get your things out of the house safely.

Want to know more?...

These websites focus specifically on dating violence and have lots of useful information.

Check them out for how to develop your safety plan or for quizzes and information on what abuse is as well as valuable resources on who to talk to.....

and remember, if you think there's something wrong, there probably is.....