Photographer : Andy Beaumont
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I’m outside waiting for a bus, trying in vain to shelter in the tiny piece of shade offered by a telegraph pole and failing miserably; it’s like a desert out here.
The forecast minimum last night was 30 degrees, although I reckon it didn’t get below 34. Today it’s supposed to get up to 48—48 degrees.
There’s a thick, hot wind drying out my eyeballs, it’s only eight-thirty in the morning and I’m already soaked with sweat.
Vultures circle overhead. One of them suddenly bursts into flames, landing at my feet like a scorched BBQ chicken.
I think the bus is coming, but it’s just a mirage.
Surely I’m done for. Surely we’re all done for…
OK, so that’s a slight exaggeration, but if things keep on going as they are now, it’ll be you wading through sand dunes or crossing vast open plains of dirt, just to get to the bus stop.
According to the federal Department of Environment and Heritage, average global temperatures could increase by up to six degrees by 2100 as a result of climate change brought on by rising greenhouse gas emissions. Doesn’t sound like much, but our little ol’ planet wasn’t designed for that.
So what’s going to happen then, if we keep on burning fossil fuels, clearing land and producing non-recyclable waste?
Certain doom, that’s what.
Observe…
Heat
The 1990s was the hottest decade since records began in 1861; 1998 Australia’s hottest year ever. In a recent report, the CSIRO suggested that if this trend continues, we’ll have three times as many 35 degree-plus days by 2070.
A lot of you might be like, “cool, let’s hit the beach”, but unfortunately, as a result of these higher temperatures, there will also be an increase in extreme weather events. So you
could go to the beach, but you’d most likely be blown away by a freak cyclone, washed away by a tsunami, fried in an intense drought or drowned in a higher sea. And no-one wants that on a trip to the beach.
Water
The hotter it gets then, the more valuable water is going to become. Firstly, George W Bush VII will invade Antarctica to “help out the struggling Eskimos”, but he’ll really be out to steal frozen water reserves, plunging the world into a very thirsty situation.
Closer to home, farmers are already feeling the pinch, so imagine what they’ll be like in 50 years as water evaporation increases? A rampaging farmer is not a pretty sight; I’ve seen a few of them.
Plus, beer is made from water—the more expensive the water, the more expensive the beer.
A pub with no beer? Worse than a rampaging farmer.
Some everyday stuff
Because water will be the most valuable resource on the planet, showers will become a once a month type of affair; no one will go out to clubs or pubs anymore, because the stench will be totally unbearable.
Snow depth in Australia has declined 40 percent in the past 40 years, according to our trusty CSIRO, so no rad boarding for you; I suggest you take up the equally rad sport of indoor badminton.
And the hotter it gets, the less people wear. Yeah sure, this is great in some cases…been to visit your Grandma recently?
Your house—an average Australian house—generates 15 tonnes of greenhouse gases every year. One kilogram of carbon dioxide, a gas heavily responsible for these forecasts of doom, fills a big family fridge. A tonne fills the entire house. You’re producing 15 each year, and so is everyone else.
If this problem isn’t remedied immediately, my predictions won’t be rubbish, but fact.
Think about it…
Do you really want to see your Grandma in a string bikini?
I think not. ActNow.
