What’s it like to be a young carer? How should I know? I’ve never tried it.
Hold that thought while I go help my grandmother with the dishes.
I’m back...where were we? Oh right...young carers. Admirable bunch aren’t they? Most of the time we don’t even realise what they’re going through, dedicating their lives to looking after others. I wish I had the courage to do it. But can I really find time for someone else when I am barely coping with my own dramas?
Sorry, grandma’s calling again. What is it this time? Helping her rake the leaves? Setting the table? Washing the clothes?
What’s it like to be a young carer? I’d love to find out but first I have to watch ‘Deal or no deal’ with granny.
(Turns out I know more about this young carers thing than I first thought)
Charlie and Grandma
If you’ve seen the film Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, or read the book, you might remember that under the watchful gaze of Charlie, his four sick grandparents are huddled together in the one bed. Claustrophobic sure, but also kind of sweet as young Charlie absolutely adores looking after his grandparents. Their needs always come before his own.
I could try explaining the Charlie analogy to my grandmother but it’s likely she’d miss the point. Instead she’d probably question the reputation of this ‘Charlie’ character and wonder why his mother would approve of him eating so much chocolate. As a youngster my grandparents played a huge role in my upbringing. The way I see it, it’s time I returned the favour to my aging grandmother who is frustrated that she can no longer do everyday tasks with ease. Then there’s the loneliness...
So when friends call up on a Friday night asking if I want to go out, it’s fairly easy for me to say no. My grandmother assures me she’ll be fine on her own and to go and enjoy myself.
‘Not tonight’, I say firmly.
Why? Because I enjoy drinking cups of tea, knitting sweaters, making cookies and watching her jump to her feet in rage when her favourite team is losing the Friday night footy. For me that
is enjoying myself and all the other chores seem minimal in exchange for spending quality time with her.
But it’s not always easy. And yet this hardly scratches the surface of what it’s like to be a full time carer from a young age.
So who are young carers?
The Young Carer checklist might go something like this:
Under 25?
More responsibility than other people of similar age?
Support a family member with a disability, illness, drug or alcohol problem?
If you nodded to all of the above then you’re one of 347,700 young carers in Australia. That’s 5.2% of Australians under 25 who don’t have time to sustain a part time job, friends, social life, exams, fitness and recreation.
Not much of a life, is it?
And although I take refuge in my studies in order to escape occasional grandma woes, most young carers can hardly afford this luxury. Usually we don’t recognise a young carer no matter how close we are to them.
Stressed?
The difficulty for young carers increases when the stigma attached to an illness or disability prevents them from seeking help outside the family. They might not confide in friends because they fear being ridiculed.
Despite my grandmother’s protests, I was able to tell my friends straight out why I couldn’t see them but it’s not always easy to be so direct, particularly for those who have grown up as carers. This is where it can help if friends become aware of the dependent’s condition. That way they can look out for their mate.
Most importantly, young carers need to set aside some ‘me time’ so that they avoid feeling pressured and stressed by their extra tasks..
DEAL!
Sitting down to enjoy the show, I was interrupted when my friends called in to let me know that they understand my new position and that they’ll be there whenever I need a break. It made it that much easier to return to my grandmother and give her the reassurance that she isn’t burdening me or making me feel like I’m missing out. Instead there was a mutual, unspoken acknowledgement that together we are enriching each other’s lives.
And when she shouted at the screen ‘TAKE THE DEAL!’ I’d like to think it was her way of saying ‘thank you’.
Anytime gran. Or as they say on our favourite show. ‘Deal!!!’
How do I know this?
@nna, ‘Young carers’,
ActNow,
http://www.actnow.com.au/Issues/Young_carers.aspx
Armstrong, C 2002, ‘Behind closed doors—living with a parent's mental illness’,
YoungMindsMagazine, i 61,
http://www.youngminds.org.uk/magazine/61/armstrong.php
Reach Out!,
Being a young carer,
http://www.reachout.com.au/default.asp?ti=282
Young carers,
www.youngcarers.net.au
